Happiness Is Fleeting
Mary Taylor
As the COVID-19 pandemic is nearing the end of its fifth month most of the world has been in some form of lockdown for months, having been abruptly yanked from servitude to what had become, over the last couple of decades, an increasingly frenetic world of work and life. Almost as if we were on a government-sanctioned retreat, things came to a screeching standstill with a mandate to pause, and there was time to reflect. So many deaths, so much suffering. Yet beneath the palpable undercurrent of pain and anxiety, there were glimmers of hope and a unique opportunity to practice, learn and evolve. For some the isolation these times demanded have fueled fear and a sense of overwhelm which have caused intense mood states, intolerance and anger to simmer and rise. But for so many others feelings of connection and genuine caring—not only for loved ones, but toward strangers as well—have spontaneously taken place. One wonders if as we emerge from this crushing time, not only will there be an immunity to this ferocious virus, but too we will have flattened the curve of rash gestures of superiority, greed, power and destruction that have been steering the course of human history for generations. If we’re lucky, we’ll be inclined to move forward with a fresh perspective carrying on and weaving into the future threads of hope and kindness we’ve recently witnessed first hand. I wonder sometimes if perhaps this catastrophic period in history will serve as a catalyst to begin healing our species and the very planet upon which we live not in spite of the fact, but due to the fact that we’ve had to face our own mortality head on.
Think about it; today, what under normal circumstances is a conversation stopper—death—is on the tip of everyone’s tongue. As the toll from the virus clicks upward by the thousands, we’re counting alongside, knowing that as abstract as the numbers may seem, every single one of these millions of deaths involves someone who is suffering the very same wrenching pain we ourselves would experience if we were infected, on a ventilator and unable to breathe or if we had lost someone we loved. It is almost impossible not to feel profound sorrow and to question whether happiness is a thing of the past. However as counter intuitive as it may seem, realizing the truth of impermanence is one of the first steps toward waking up to life and in that to finding a lasting sense of happiness.
“We can choose to take action in context of basic truths...or we can slip into stale habits of mind, emotion and action”
Curiously too these days, we may stumble upon another inroad toward finding happiness as we scuttle past masked strangers on the street and feel an inkling of relief—a morbid sense of support in knowing we are in this together. Maybe we’re suffering, maybe we’re avoiding our feelings or maybe we’re dealing with it, but regardless, there’s no denying we’re part of a community of—well everyone—who is having a direct experience, not only of their own mortality, but of interconnectedness. These times underscore that no matter how much we like, wonder at, agree or disagree with any one individual or situation, in the big picture we are not separate from the rest. Realizing interconnectedness, like considering our mortality, is another important step along a path out of suffering and these days we don’t have to look far to see how intimately connected we are to everyone and everything else. Except in Antarctica (so far, that is), no place on earth has been spared; not even the remote Pará State of Brazil where lives of indigenous people are being threatened by the virus. We are in this together, and yet there is hope because beneath it all there are signs that the planet is happy. Skies are clearing and the environment is thriving. Here on Samui last week we got news that just down the beach sea turtles have laid eggs for the first time in decades. Thrilled by the news, local villagers and police took steps to protect them and steer the occasional beach walker clear of nearby sand being prepared for more eggs. In what may have seemed like an eternity of lockdown to us, has been just a blink of an eye in history, and wildlife all over the planet is already thriving because we literally cooled our jets. Death and suffering, counterbalanced by birth, cooperation and great joy is pointing the way through.
In these times, or any time really, there is always a choice. We can choose to take action in context of basic truths like interconnectedness and impermanence or we can slip into stale habits of mind, emotion and action, clutching onto the past at the expense of everyone else. Crisis invites change. Change sparks self-reflection tinged with vulnerability, and becoming vulnerable is made safe through truthful communication. Today we’re seeing this process in action: no matter what the circumstances, when people tell the truth and face a threat head on, when communities cooperate and work together, things improve. We see too the disastrous impact when an attitude of “me first” takes command. In an atmosphere of individual before others, things plummet into confusion and we all become vulnerable victims of the twisted storylines and abuses this warped defense mechanism provokes.
Looking again, setting down our assumptions we become less vulnerable in a connection to others. Yet when we’re in crisis, the ability to really see the other can become truncated by fear. Fear for our own safety, fear that our aspirations and dreams will not come true, fear of losing control and of having our well polished “story of self” interrupted. Crisis can perpetuate a background fear of the unknown, and cause us to retreat to “safety” behind the reinforced shield of our ego. Shoring down our own, independent fortress of separate self, we become more and more rigid and cut off; stuck in our ways and our beliefs as our suspicion of others intensifies and our ability to communicate dwindles. And worse yet, we become unhappy. So it seems that a message of these times is that there is no time like the present to learn to communicate skillfully while keeping others in our hearts. This starts with listening deeply, articulating thoughts accurately and contemplating the impact that speech can have. The pandemic is a call to communicate, to change and to embrace the fact that though none of us will be here forever, we are all in this together and we all want to be happy. So on that “happy day” when things get back to normal, it may not be prudent to pick up the pieces and reconstruct life just as it was, but instead to work together to discover new paths toward finding lasting happiness.
“Leaping out of the known into the unknown our fear of the unfolding of life....can begin to dissolve”
Typically we pursue happiness as if it were something we’ll find; the rare jewel of true joy that eludes us time and again. There are moments we feel happy, but so quickly they’re gone—the fleeting sense of satisfaction dips back down into an abyss of dullness and we trudge on. We may wonder at others who seem to have a corner on happiness, privately fearing that we’re one of the unlucky ones destined only to search for happiness in vain, yet search we do; through relationships and work, drugs and entertainment, or the “serious” practices we call yoga. Then one day while looking, having pulled the corners of our soul apart as if searching for lost keys in the folds of the couch, we start to smile. Perhaps quite by accident the silliness of our endeavors are revealed and we realize we’ve been looking in all the wrong places. Due to luck or our stubborn perseverance, we have a flash of insight into the fact that true happiness exists beneath the surface of mind, sensation and emotion. Lasting happiness has little to do with the superficial theories and objects we tie it to, but instead it is simply there beneath it all, patiently waiting to be freed from the restraints our stupidity, resistances, theories and doubts. We smile because we see that it is not happiness, but the content of our mind and the things of the world that are fleeting. For that split second we tap into the limitless reservoir of intrinsic happiness that is always there as part of the true nature of being human. If only we could see it.
Through our yoga practices we learn to watch the content of our embodied experience, along side the content of our mind and our emotional states constantly coming and going. We learn to observe the ever-present states of stability, chaos, happiness, confusion, and so on that all seem so real. Over time, as we make these observations within the safe space of practice, on our yoga mat or sitting cushion, the ability to be present with things as they arise seeps out into other corners of our life. We learn to soften into the fear of not knowing for certain what’s next allowing us to release our white-knuckled grip on the desire for someone or something to make us happy. Leaping out of the known into the unknown our fear of the unfolding of life, which has kept us falsely stable—though separate—over the years can begin to dissolve and we see pathways toward lasting happiness, joy and compassion.
Roberto Colasso in his remarkable book, Ka, imagined the Buddha asking himself the question, “Are you afraid of your own happiness?” Which is a question worth asking ourselves as well. Is it fear, that blinds us and keeps us trapped by the wheels of Samsara frantically searching for something we already have? And if it is fear by which we are imprisoned, what is it that sustains the fear? These are important questions to ask again and again if we are to find a path out of suffering. As the Buddha said, “Feeding the story of suffering makes you suffer.” Not feeding the story of suffering is no guarantee you will be happy, but it is a certain path out of suffering. Breathing into life, we start where we are. Here we are together, right now….and that’s a good start!