Feeling Grounded
Mary Taylor
I hadn’t been able to post a “musing” since those I wrote about the Pattabhi Jois revelations almost a year ago. The experience of examining closely and writing about—inviting conversation about—what had happened was wrenching. Plus the instant I spoke up, I felt brutalized by the way some people publicly attacked me for speaking openly and honestly—in a spirit of communication. At the same time I was also deeply moved during that same period a year back at how very many others were kind, supportive, thoughtful toward me and how many too were eager to discuss what actions could be taken to evolve as a “lineage,” as practitioners and teachers and most importantly as decent human beings. The majority wanted to learn and improve from the situation. That dialogue kept me going, however I just couldn’t bring myself to write more on any subject for a musing, let alone ashtanga yoga.
Then last week, I finally found a photo that seemed appropriate and posted a piece I’d written about death—having started it in July when Maty died, being nudged again a few months later when another friend died, and then considering the cultural/spiritual losses so many of us were experiencing when Ram Das, Kobe Bryant and other icons died earlier this year; and then, of course the current situation where thousands are dying worldwide due to covid-19.
Contemplating death is something that as the daughter of a social anthropologist who specialized in researching the cultural impacts of death, and having worked for the last 20 years as part of Upaya Zen Center’s Being with Dying faculty—I’ve thought a lot about. I’ve considered what it means, what different people believe happens at the time of death after we die. I’ve always instinctively walked toward my fear of death rather than run away from it and in this way the fear has always subsided. So finally last week, as the threat of the virus augmented worldwide and I started feeling fearful, I figured I’d post something about death.
But then a couple of days after posting, the reality of our current situation and the mounting number of deaths from the virus exploded. As the week passed I became increasingly uncomfortable with having closed last week’s piece with the quote from Plato. It began to sound flippant. So I felt compelled to add a bit more...
“When there is an actual threat of death, clarity can change because it is almost impossible to not be ruled by emotion. ”
Indeed, death may not be the worst thing that can happen, because if you miss out on life due to a fear of death, or if you become so preoccupied with life’s what ifs that you don’t notice what is, then life becomes limited, unhealthy, unhappy and detached—in a sense far worse than death itself. I think Plato’s advice was to wake up to the present, which includes facing the reality of death. This is important, but it requires being in a mind state able to take a metta-perspective, which is not always easy, especially when in crisis mode and is where so much of the world and most of the media has landed these days.
What we’re experiencing now is the instinctual arising of abhinivesa in the face of the reality that thousands will die due to this virus. When there is an actual threat of death, instincts prevail and clarity can become clouded as we are ruled by emotion. Our emotional, non-rational understanding of things is an expression of our visceral experience of interconnectedness, so fear of death is not a bad thing. It is a wake up cal, inviting us to tap into that embodied sense of interconnectedness, and that is what will help us to cultivate compassion. So, especially when, as now, we find ourselves in a time of crisis fearful of the unknown, perhaps we can find refuge in connection to other. Singing out of windows in Italy or sending messages of love that keep our social distancing, but improve our emotional connections.
The urge may be to contract inward and withdraw, looking out only for one’s self and one’s closest loved ones. Yet now more than ever is a time to find the seed of tolerance and appreciation for others that is part of our natural essence. Now is a good time to feel into our connection to everyone and everything else in the world and to expand our definition of who we are as we soften into the truth of interconnectedness. It is a time to realize, once again, that we’re in this together and that generosity and compassion are what will get us all through. It’s time to practice like never before. It is time to practice kindness and to embrace compassion rather than being driven by our fears. Fear will come up, but if we pause when we notice it arising, and hold steady with feet firmly planted in the eart, it too will pass. If we can walk toward our fear with a sense of groundedness, if we can remember others, even when we’re tempted to hunker down and protect only ourselves, then we will find our way through this.
If nothing more, the covid-19 is teaching us that things change so fast! Be it the spread of the virus or our own life day by day as we head toward death sooner or later. So the very best we can do is to wake up to these moment by moment changes and work together to meet the challenges that lie ahead.
This is why we’ve been practicing all these years. So we can wake up, show up fully and help others as if they really mattered. Which they do. The homeless, those in nursing homes frightened and alone, elderly who are fearful of stepping outdoors, and those who think it’s just an overblown media hype and are ignoring the need to act with prudence thereby endangering themselves and others. Let’s take pauses when we need them these days so we can wake up to what’s going on.